Bless Your Patriarchal Heart
Southern charm meets hard truths—and a little public roasting for good measure.
Some men get a sports car when they hit a midlife crisis. Others grow a sad little beard and start brewing craft beer in their garage. And then… there are the ones who decide that women voting is what “broke” America. Bless. Their. Patriarchal. Hearts.
Yes, bestie, here in twenty-freaking-twenty-five, a group of powerful, all-male, all-white “leaders” in the Christian community is pushing the idea that the 19th Amendment—aka the one that lets women vote—was a mistake. And their latest favorite buzzword? Atomization. Big word. Zero brain cells.
Atomization: Big Words for “Women Hurt My Feelings”
According to these fellas, women voting “atomized” society—meaning it broke the country into too many little pieces instead of keeping us “unified.”
Translation?
“We miss the days when society was perfectly united… in keeping women barefoot, pregnant, and silent.”
Before 1920, the “unity” they’re nostalgic for wasn’t harmony—it was half the population being shut out of public life. So sorry (not sorry) if women having opinions at the polls feels like chaos to you, Chad. That’s not atomization, that’s democracy.
And here’s the kicker: when they say “atomization,” what they really mean is “people we never used to have to listen to are suddenly in the conversation.” Heaven forbid that people of different genders, races, and backgrounds bring a variety of perspectives to the table. It’s like they want the country to be one of those awkward dinner parties where only one guy talks the whole time and everyone else has to nod politely until dessert.
It’s Not Theology, It’s a Power Grab
They wrap it all in religious language to make it sound holy, but really? This is a political strategy cosplaying as church doctrine. They’re not worried about “social cohesion,” they’re worried about losing control of pulpits, boardrooms, and ballot boxes.
It’s mighty convenient how their interpretation of the Bible always just happens to keep them in charge. Almost like… they wrote the rules for themselves.
And here’s where it gets even more cynical—they know exactly what they’re doing. It’s not that they’re confused about scripture; it’s that they’ve found a way to use selective interpretations to keep women out of decision-making roles. Control the narrative, control the leadership, control the votes, control the money. Honey, it’s the oldest play in the patriarchy playbook—just with a shiny theological sticker slapped on top.
The Bible Isn’t Your Boys’ Club
They love to cherry-pick verses like “women should be silent” while conveniently skipping over Deborah (judge and military leader), Phoebe (church leader), Priscilla (teacher of theology), and Mary Magdalene (first witness to the resurrection, a pretty big deal if you’re Christian).
If you’re gonna quote the Bible, sugar, at least have the decency to read the whole thing. You can’t just rip out the pages where the women are doing the work.
And let’s be real—if they applied their “logic” consistently, they’d have to stop quoting plenty of men, too. Peter denied Christ three times, Paul had a persecution era before his preacher era, and Jonah literally ran away from God’s call. But somehow, it’s only the women whose past or gender disqualifies them from leadership? Bless their selective little hearts.
Yes, the Bible Has Women Leaders—Receipts Below
If these bros in charge had even cracked open their Bible without their patriarchal blinders, they’d know women weren’t just helpers—they were leading the way.
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Deborah – Judge, prophet, and military commander. Didn’t just “help the men,” she literally led Israel into battle.
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Phoebe – A deacon and trusted leader in the early church, personally entrusted with delivering Paul’s letter to the Romans (aka the ancient world’s equivalent of sending someone to hand-deliver your biggest TED Talk).
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Priscilla – Taught theology to Apollos, a prominent preacher of the time.
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Mary Magdalene – First witness to the resurrection, the defining moment of Christianity, entrusted to tell the apostles.
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Junia – An apostle. Yes, a female apostle. It’s in the book, folks.
So when they say “the Bible tells us women can’t be leaders,” what they really mean is, “I skipped those parts on purpose.”
The 19th Amendment Was Not the Finish Line
When the 19th Amendment passed in 1920, it didn’t give all women the right to vote—it gave white women the right to vote. Women of color, Indigenous women, immigrant women, and poor women were still excluded for decades due to discriminatory laws, poll taxes, literacy tests, and outright violence. In some cases, even married white women faced restrictions tied to their husbands’ citizenship or property ownership.
So when these modern-day pearl-clutchers act like women’s suffrage was the “beginning of the end,” they’re skipping over the fact that their precious “social unity” was built on keeping most women—especially women of color—completely out of the political process.
And here’s the kicker: these same all-white, all-male church leadership teams, funded by congregations and enjoying tax-exempt status, are telling us we’re the problem. Meanwhile, they’ve never had to contribute to society in a meaningful way that benefits all of humanity. They claim moral authority while building a boys’ club in God’s name that refuses to open its doors to different perspectives.
Why They’re Really Scared
When women get power, we tend to use it to escape abuse, dismantle systems that harm us, and redirect resources toward the vulnerable—children, the elderly, marginalized communities. That’s not a threat to men. That’s a threat to the hierarchy.
The problem isn’t women having power—it’s that men who’ve abused power for centuries fear we’ll treat them the way they’ve treated us. They think our leadership would mirror their control, cruelty, and exploitation… because that’s what they’ve done. But history—and plenty of statistics—show the opposite: matriarchal and women-led systems prioritize care, education, health, and justice. That doesn’t mean men get less. It means everyone gets more, because we’re not hoarding resources for the few at the top.
What they’re practicing is the most disgusting form of weaponized incompetence—acting like they’re divinely appointed geniuses when in reality, they’re just scared old men terrified of losing the only kind of value they’ve ever been told they have. Power for the sake of power. Control for the sake of control. And they’re running out of excuses.
The 19th Amendment = America’s Glow-Up
The right for women to vote wasn’t the downfall of America—it was one of its greatest flexes. Our democracy got stronger. Our policies got smarter. And our future got brighter.
If your vision of America only works when half the population is silent, you don’t want democracy. You want a dictatorship with a dinner menu.
And while we’re on the subject, let’s remember that women’s votes have shaped some of the most important reforms in U.S. history—from civil rights to public education to healthcare improvements. So when someone says the 19th Amendment “broke” the country, what they’re actually saying is, “Things got better for people who aren’t me, and I don’t like it.” Imagine being that fragile.
Here’s How to Troll Them (In the Spirit of John Lewis + Scholarly Shade)
Civil rights icon John Lewis told us to make good trouble. So if you want to fluster the patriarchy with a little linguistic mischief, here’s your Feminist Vocabulary Clapback Kit—complete with definitions so you know exactly what you’re serving (and they have to Google it).
1. Anosognosia (noun) – The inability to recognize one’s own incompetence.
“This whole sermon is giving anosognosia—like you genuinely can’t see what a hot mess control-freak theology is.”
2. Kakistocracy (noun) – Government or leadership by the least qualified or most corrupt.
“And here I thought democracy stood for ‘of the people, by the people,’ not a kakistocracy ruled by men too lazy to read their own Bible.”
3. Agnotology (noun) – The study of how ignorance—especially misinformation—is deliberately created.
“This conversation is peak agnotology. Might want to fact-check those patriarchal talking points before you quote them again.”
4. Epistemicide (noun) – The destruction or devaluing of knowledge systems from marginalized groups.
“When they claim ‘the Bible says women shouldn’t lead’ but ignore the women leaders in the text—that’s epistemicide, sweetheart.”
5. Matrilocality (noun) – A social system where a married couple lives with or near the wife’s family.
“Just manifesting some matrilocality vibes in my future—sorry, patriarchy, but the revolution’s headed to my mama’s house.”
We’re Not Going Anywhere
Here’s the thing, sugar: Southern women can bless your heart and dismantle your bad ideas in the same breath. We’ve been told to sit down and be quiet for centuries, and yet… here we are. Leading churches, running for office, starting businesses, voting in every election, and raising a little hell along the way.
So to the men clutching their pearls about the “dangers” of women leading—unclutch. We’re not just in the room, we’re building the room, decorating it, and passing the legislation that happens inside it.
And let’s not forget, every time they try to push us out, women come back louder, smarter, and more organized than before. We’re not a problem to be solved—we’re the future they can’t stop, no matter how many times they hide behind scripture or buzzwords. The 19th Amendment wasn’t the end of their world, but this refusal to evolve just might be.